The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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