well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
