dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
