I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
