Can i not drive my cunt home
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
