I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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