Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
