i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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