I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
