Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She's the barista slut.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
