ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I lost the right to judge tonight
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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