people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
