my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
