What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
