Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
