I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
