'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
