Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
