i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
