I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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