Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
