he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
