What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
