Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
