The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize