Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
