she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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