I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
