this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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