Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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