I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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