yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
