yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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