Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
