I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
