I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
