Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
