so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
