God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
