I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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