how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
