Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
