apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
