just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
