I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
