My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
smell my finger.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
