Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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