I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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