Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
