Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
