Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
