I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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