Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
