If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
