I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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