I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
