if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
