ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
