you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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