I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
