Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
