I'm jealous of your bromance
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
