Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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