I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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