Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
